MARRIAGE is not a walk in the park. It’s a triathlon. Running through the park, followed by biking up Mount Everest, then swimming across the Atlantic Ocean. But you agreed, “till death do us part.” Don’t give up until you have fought your best hardest fight.
The first step in a better marriage is learning how to be a better wife and taking that step with confidence and determination. Unfortunately, the world today tries to convince you that your marriage should be perfect, and if it’s not, you should leave because “you deserve better”. But the truth is, neither of you is perfect. And a relationship without problems doesn’t exist.
Sisters, if you want to enjoy your marriage, stop looking at the neighbour’s marriage or your friends on Facebook and comparing it to your own. Their marriage is NOT perfect. No one is going to tell the world about their marriage problems. You are only seeing the best parts of it.
Don’t compare their best parts of their relationship to the worst parts of yours. You also need to let go of your daydreams about prince charming. As much as Disney wants you to believe in him, he doesn’t exist. You have to set realistic expectations for your marriage or you will NEVER be happy.
So, don’t talk about your husband unless you are talking him up. And, make it a point to talk positively about him more often!
If your husband is in a bad mood and he is taking his anger of the day out on you, don’t mimic it. It can be easy to have that attitude. There’s a saying that goes something like this: Marriage isn’t 50/ 50. Stop thinking that you need to be putting in 50% of the effort and he has to give the other 50%.
There will be times when he can’t give 50%, he can only give 10%. You are there to pick up the slack and give the other 90%. You are a team and he will need your strength on the days he just isn’t strong enough.
We, women, are opinionated people. And being so opinionated often comes with a sense of “I’m right, and you are wrong.” This mindset is satisfying at the moment in which your husband gives in, but it’s toxic. Constantly telling someone they are wrong and disregarding their opinion is bound to create tension and distance. Choose your battles all of the time. What this means is, don’t argue about every little thing.
Decide which arguments are worth fighting. A good rule of thumb for deciding what’s worth fighting about, is to ask yourself this: “Will this matter one year from now? If it isn’t about something so important to you that you will remember it in a year, it’s not worth the fight. Your marriage will take a hit every time you have an argument. Are the petty little arguments worth the damage it’s causing?
Every living thing needs to eat to survive, but odds are it will only truly thrive if it’s fed a healthy balance of the five major food groups. Marriage also has five marriage food groups namely serving, intimacy, respect, trust and dedication. Serving one another, doing things without being asked to shows love and support. Too much or not enough intimacy can make or break a relationship.
There’s not a marriage in the world that will last without mutual respect. Your spouse is supposed to be the one person you can come to with anything and that’s trust. Then dedication is to make a commitment to never give up even when it gets hard. Having a balance of all of these things is the secret to a healthy marriage.
Humble is a commonly misunderstood term. To be humble is to admit that you don’t know everything and to be willing to learn. This goes hand and hand with humility, which is the ability to acknowledge and admit that you have room for improvement.
To do this, you have to be strong enough to feel ashamed or embarrassed, as that is typically the natural response. Being humble also goes hand and hand with vulnerability. Being vulnerable to someone can be scary, but it’s important that you are able to share a connection with your spouse that allows you to feel safe enough to show vulnerability.
For every one complaint, aim for four more shows of appreciation. Nothing’s worse than your husband thinking all you do is nag him. Make it a point to always tell him what you appreciate about him and what he does for the family.
This way, if there is something concerning you and you need to voice your opinion, he’s not just thinking about how you never stop nagging. If he develops this mentality, it will be easier for him to stop taking you seriously and ignoring your concerns.
Everyone loves to feel appreciated. And if you take the time to tell him how much you appreciate him, it WILL motivate him to do the same for you.
One of the worst things you can do for your marriage is to ignore your own needs. By not taking time for yourself, you will not be your best self. And when you are suffering, your relationships will suffer too. Whether you realise it or not, you will start to resent your husband if you are not able to do anything for yourself and he does. This is especially important after having kids! When you are taking care of others so much that you are neglecting your own self-care, you will start to go crazy. Going crazy will only result in stress on your family.
The best thing you can do in your marriage is to ask yourself, “what can I change to be a better person?” By working through your own personal issues, even if they are not related to your marriage, you will feel better.
When you have your own personal issues, you tend to project your frustrations of on your husband.
Maybe you are having issues with your self-esteem, find an extra activity that will make you happy such as joining an aerobics class or other “girls’ club” as a healthy outlet to relieve stress. A happy woman has a lovely home where the whole family feels love and warmth.